Life Lessons

When was the last time you played the game of Life?  Until today, my answer to that question was something like 25 years.  This afternoon, Ellie and I set up her new board game and got to work.  As you may recall, there is one significant choice you have to make right on your first turn:  whether to go to college or choose a career immediately.  Ellie said she wanted to work right away.  Lovely, I thought.  We'll have a little life lesson right here, because I'm going to choose to go to college first and that gives me increased earning potential.  Here's how the game played out:

Ellie's career card was "salesperson," with an starting annual income of $20,000, maximum salary of $50,000, and taxes of $5,000.

I had to borrow $100,000 to start college.  I didn't land on the $20,000 scholarship, nor did I land on part-time job.  I did, however, get a semester in London.  Upon graduation, my career card was "doctor," initial income of $100,000 with no maximum.  Taxes?  $45,000.  Steep, but you don't pay them unless you land on the "pay taxes" box.  I felt pretty confident.

Ellie didn't land on "rent apartment," but she managed to hit "Inheritance!" and collect $20,000.  Then she collected a Share The Wealth card that required me to give her half of any unexpected payout from the bank I might encounter.  Then she won a race:  collect $10,000.  She got married, but managed to avoid the $20,000 wedding reception.  She got a pay raise and flew right past "taxes due" without stopping.  Then it was time to buy a starter home.  She chose the most expensive one in the deck:  a $160,000 Cape Cod beauty.  It was the one I was secretly eyeing, but she got there before I did.  She had exactly $160,000 in cash, and I asked her pointedly if she was sure she wanted to spend all of her money on a house.  She did.

Meanwhile, I accumulated a pay raise but landed on "pay taxes."  Net loss.  On the heels of forking over $45,000 to the bank for taxes, I chose the less stylish but also less expensive ranch rambler for my starter home.  On the very next spin, I lost my job.  Unnerving, but no matter - I went to school. Surely there must be other well-paying professions in that stack.  I got computer designer, with a base salary of $50,000 and a maximum salary of $80,000.  

Ellie won the Ultimate Idol TV show and collected $100,000.  I had twins.

Ellie sued me for $100,000.  I paid up, and then lost my job again.  My new career card was teacher, a noble college-degree-required profession paying $40,000, with a maximum income of $70,000.  Taxes, which of course I was forced to pay, were $15,000.

Now another choice came:  return to school or continue on.  Ellie continued on, but then her house flooded:  $40,000.  Okay, one setback, but she easily had the money after that big Ultimate Idol win.  She shrugged her shoulders and didn't care.  When I put the money in the bank, she said, "Is my house okay now?"

Ellie lost her job.  She got a new one as a hair stylist, with base salary of $30,000 and maximum salary of $60,000.   Net gain.  After her pay raise, which she quickly acquired, she and I were making the same salary, only I had $100,000 in school debt and baby twins.

Ellie sued me again for $100,000.  I had a baby boy.

Ellie took a family cruise vacation.  She only had to pay $25,000 because she didn't have any children.  "Ooh, a cruise vacation!  That will be fun!" she said as she forked over the cash.

I sued Ellie for $100,000.  Finally, a break!  No matter; she won a TV game show and collected $100,000.  Meanwhile, I landed on "Buy an SUV:  $40,000."  I guess I needed it, with all those kids.

Ellie won a TV dance show and collected $100,000.  My kids decided they all wanted to go to college: I sighed and gave the bank $150,000.

Lonely with just her husband in the car, Ellie opted for the "family path," and had a baby girl.  She got another pay raise and managed to avoid family physicals.  Then she found buried treasure to the tune of $500,000.

My teaching career paid off, apparently, and I wrote a best-selling book ($200,000) and won a Nobel Prize ($100,000).  Ellie had just sold her Cape Cod for a profit and bought a luxury mountain retreat, handing over the $600,000 as if it were pocket change.  With my newfound success, I thought about upgrading from my ranch-style to something befitting a Nobel Prize laureate.  But it was not to be:  my ranch-style (which I purchased for $140,000) got hit by a tornado, and the damage amounted to $125,000.

Ellie was way ahead of me at this point, almost to the Millionaire Retirement Estates.  Her spins always landed on 8 or 9 or 10 or some ridiculous number that advanced her at super speed through the board.  She got a tax refund and then became a grandparent, sliding into Millionaire Estates in style.

Ellie danced around the room shouting, "I won!  I won!"  I spun again and again, always moving 1-3 spaces each turn.  Along the way, I sponsored a public arts exhibit ($125,000) and spent $65,000 on a maid & butler service (for my ranch-style starter home).  Blessedly, I avoided the life-saving operation and managed to skip having a family website designed.  But I also skipped being a grandparent (which gives you a LIFE card, which in turn gives you more money, not that grandparenthood is only about money).

Final tally?

Ellie, the saleswoman turned hair stylist:  a cool $1.5 million, no debt

Me, the college educated doctor turned computer designer turned teacher:  $895,000, after paying my school loan back with interest.

I told her we have to play again tomorrow.