When was the last time you played the game of Life? Until today, my answer to that question was something like 25 years. This afternoon, Ellie and I set up her new board game and got to work. As you may recall, there is one significant choice you have to make right on your first turn: whether to go to college or choose a career immediately. Ellie said she wanted to work right away. Lovely, I thought. We'll have a little life lesson right here, because I'm going to choose to go to college first and that gives me increased earning potential. Here's how the game played out:
Ellie's career card was "salesperson," with an starting annual income of $20,000, maximum salary of $50,000, and taxes of $5,000.
I had to borrow $100,000 to start college. I didn't land on the $20,000 scholarship, nor did I land on part-time job. I did, however, get a semester in London. Upon graduation, my career card was "doctor," initial income of $100,000 with no maximum. Taxes? $45,000. Steep, but you don't pay them unless you land on the "pay taxes" box. I felt pretty confident.
Ellie didn't land on "rent apartment," but she managed to hit "Inheritance!" and collect $20,000. Then she collected a Share The Wealth card that required me to give her half of any unexpected payout from the bank I might encounter. Then she won a race: collect $10,000. She got married, but managed to avoid the $20,000 wedding reception. She got a pay raise and flew right past "taxes due" without stopping. Then it was time to buy a starter home. She chose the most expensive one in the deck: a $160,000 Cape Cod beauty. It was the one I was secretly eyeing, but she got there before I did. She had exactly $160,000 in cash, and I asked her pointedly if she was sure she wanted to spend all of her money on a house. She did.
Meanwhile, I accumulated a pay raise but landed on "pay taxes." Net loss. On the heels of forking over $45,000 to the bank for taxes, I chose the less stylish but also less expensive ranch rambler for my starter home. On the very next spin, I lost my job. Unnerving, but no matter - I went to school. Surely there must be other well-paying professions in that stack. I got computer designer, with a base salary of $50,000 and a maximum salary of $80,000.
Ellie won the Ultimate Idol TV show and collected $100,000. I had twins.
Ellie sued me for $100,000. I paid up, and then lost my job again. My new career card was teacher, a noble college-degree-required profession paying $40,000, with a maximum income of $70,000. Taxes, which of course I was forced to pay, were $15,000.
Now another choice came: return to school or continue on. Ellie continued on, but then her house flooded: $40,000. Okay, one setback, but she easily had the money after that big Ultimate Idol win. She shrugged her shoulders and didn't care. When I put the money in the bank, she said, "Is my house okay now?"
Ellie lost her job. She got a new one as a hair stylist, with base salary of $30,000 and maximum salary of $60,000. Net gain. After her pay raise, which she quickly acquired, she and I were making the same salary, only I had $100,000 in school debt and baby twins.
Ellie sued me again for $100,000. I had a baby boy.
Ellie took a family cruise vacation. She only had to pay $25,000 because she didn't have any children. "Ooh, a cruise vacation! That will be fun!" she said as she forked over the cash.
I sued Ellie for $100,000. Finally, a break! No matter; she won a TV game show and collected $100,000. Meanwhile, I landed on "Buy an SUV: $40,000." I guess I needed it, with all those kids.
Ellie won a TV dance show and collected $100,000. My kids decided they all wanted to go to college: I sighed and gave the bank $150,000.
Lonely with just her husband in the car, Ellie opted for the "family path," and had a baby girl. She got another pay raise and managed to avoid family physicals. Then she found buried treasure to the tune of $500,000.
My teaching career paid off, apparently, and I wrote a best-selling book ($200,000) and won a Nobel Prize ($100,000). Ellie had just sold her Cape Cod for a profit and bought a luxury mountain retreat, handing over the $600,000 as if it were pocket change. With my newfound success, I thought about upgrading from my ranch-style to something befitting a Nobel Prize laureate. But it was not to be: my ranch-style (which I purchased for $140,000) got hit by a tornado, and the damage amounted to $125,000.
Ellie was way ahead of me at this point, almost to the Millionaire Retirement Estates. Her spins always landed on 8 or 9 or 10 or some ridiculous number that advanced her at super speed through the board. She got a tax refund and then became a grandparent, sliding into Millionaire Estates in style.
Ellie danced around the room shouting, "I won! I won!" I spun again and again, always moving 1-3 spaces each turn. Along the way, I sponsored a public arts exhibit ($125,000) and spent $65,000 on a maid & butler service (for my ranch-style starter home). Blessedly, I avoided the life-saving operation and managed to skip having a family website designed. But I also skipped being a grandparent (which gives you a LIFE card, which in turn gives you more money, not that grandparenthood is only about money).
Final tally?
Ellie, the saleswoman turned hair stylist: a cool $1.5 million, no debt
Me, the college educated doctor turned computer designer turned teacher: $895,000, after paying my school loan back with interest.
I told her we have to play again tomorrow.
