All in Eight Hours

Indulge me while I use my blog as a journal moment.

This morning my friend Adriana, a counselor in our Relief Society presidency, came over for my visiting teaching stewardship interview.  By ten o'clock, I told her when we scheduled the appointment, we're all dressed and fed and have things in basic order.  I was anticipating having the kids play quietly in the toy room while she and I sat and had a lovely spiritually uplifting conversation in the family room.  The kids and I would be dressed, the dishwasher would be quietly humming, perhaps I'd even have a load of laundry in process.

Last night I woke up for absolutely no good reason at 2:30.  Just as I was drifting back to sleep about 3:00, Tess woke up screaming for food.  I stumbled into her room and lifted her out of her bed to nurse.  For about 30 seconds, I couldn't figure out why she was still crying and not eating. Then I realized that I had the back of her head to me rather than her face.  Just as I got that figured out, Ellie came wandering in.  "Mom, my tummy hurts."  She sat next to me until Tess finished her middle of the night meal, and then I took her downstairs and gave her some anti-nausea medicine.  By 3:30 we were all back in bed.  I didn't wake up even a little bit when Rob climbed out of bed at 5:00 to get to work early.  At 6:30, Tess woke up again - and so did Ellie.  Everyone back to bed by 7:00.  Then half an hour later, Ellie brought me my slippers, my brush and a ponytail holder (the things she knows I need immediately upon waking up) and said she was hungry.  I told her it wasn't time for me to get up, but she could get a snack.  Dutifully and without much protest, she left me to catch a few bits of sleep before the day really got going.

Some time later, I opened my eyes and the clock said 9:30.  Ellie was quietly playing in her room.  Matt and Tess were still sleeping.  Lovely, but now I only had 30 minutes to create my peaceful mid-morning buzz of productivity before Adriana's arrival.  By the time I was out of the shower, Tess was awake.  I got Ellie a bowl of cereal, got Tess up, and then Adriana arrived.  She was early, because when she arrived at her appointment before me, that friend was in sick in bed.  Meanwhile, Matt woke up in meltdown mode - sobbing inconsolably.  After a few minutes, he requested to watch Curious George, and I complied because I figured the television had a volume button, and Matt did not.  Adriana and I were still chatting at the table while I was trying to get my girls settled when Matt started crying again.  I looked over to see him standing up on the sofa and covering his mouth.  Before I could get over there, the vomit started.  Lots of it.  Adriana said, "You get him, I'll get the sofa."  I protested, "You are not cleaning that up!"  "I'm a nurse," she said, "it doesn't bother me.  I've dealt with much worse."  So she found a rag and fabric cleaner while I stripped Matt and cleaned him up, and then gave him some anti-nausea medicine.  Then Tess, who had been quietly sitting in her swing, started squirming herself out and onto the floor (I know, buckling her in would have avoided that particular incident, but cut me some slack).  Adriana fixed that while I was helping Matt.

Then we settled in for our interview, reading a scripture and discussing how to emulate the Savior, talking about the needs of the women on my visiting teaching route, all while Curious George and Hundley tried to get the doorman's broken boat back to the deserted island (maybe some of you have seen that episode a time or two).  Mission accomplished (for us as well as Curious George), Adriana left to finish her visits while her baby pleasantly dealt with the realization that he was not going to get a nap this morning.

Now as I'm trying to record these events, Ellie just came in to scold me:  "Mom, you can't just leave Tessa by herself!  Or Matt!"  Back to work for me...

There are a lot of things I could write about this cartoon.  Many years before Rob and I had children, I watched my sisters and incredulously declared, "Wow, you just have to entertain them all day long.  If you want to read a book or write an essay you can't do it! The children are always there!"  There's a lot to say about where I was then compared to where I am now. Or at least where I should be now.

There are a lot of things I wish Rob and I could negotiate in a contract.   Provisions could include things such as the following:

• Ellie and Matt shall not demand food or toys or games while Mom is feeding Tessa
• Only one child may cry at a time
• Any period of sleep shorter than one hour shall not constitute fulfillment of a nap
• Decisions concerning meal time and menu, approved activities and outings, bath time and duration, and bedtime routines shall be made solely by Mom and/or Dad.  Children may provide limited input but may not display any displeasure at the final decision.
• No child shall have a meltdown in any public place, including but not limited to those places (e.g. libraries) that require quiet from their patrons.
• Except in case of severe injury or potty accident, children shall not request the presence of Mom and/or Dad during the hours of 8:00 pm and 8:00 am.  Itchy skin, imaginary scratches, mild thirst, or lack of doll/bear in bed do not constitute severe injury.
• Failure to abide by any provision shall constitute a breach of contract, entitling Mom and Dad to damages including but not limited to the following:  allow the injured party 1 or more hours of complete quiet, during which time the injured party may take a nap, read a book, or pursue any other leisure activity; clean all toys without parental supervision; entertain another sibling by any means resulting in smiles and happy noises from the sibling being entertained; other remedies created and requested in the sole discretion of the injured party.

There are lots of things I could write about this cartoon.  But for now, I'll just give a big public expression of gratitude to Rob, who came home a little bit early from work yesterday and immediately sent me out to explore the world on my own.  I went to my favorite bookstore, ate in the cafe, worked on my Sunday School lesson, and read books about parenting.  I stopped at the store to replenish our supply of baby foot and Vitamin Water and arrived home four hours later feeling cleansed from the week.  Turns out, the parenting books indicate that our children's behavior is pretty typical, and we're not complete parental failures.  Now if we could only get that contract in place...

On the Occasion of Seven

Seven years ago today Rob and I were married in the Salt Lake temple.  Seven years!  Really?  Because seven years seems so, well, substantial.  But here we are at the start of 2011:  three children and going on six years in the same house and job for Rob.  I guess that means we're adults of some kind.  I love this candid of us on our wedding day, just basking in the glow of eternity.  Rob will tell you that he's not basking:  he's explaining how uncomfortable his tuxedo shoes are (sorry I made you wear those, babe) and asking how many more pictures we have to take in the winter cold, followed up by how pretty I look.

Here we are now, a little more grown up, on a rather chilly day but in much more comfortable shoes:

A month after our wedding, on our first Valentine's Day together, Rob gave me the domain name "teamlesan.org."  A geek gift, he said, from my computer geek husband.  It was romantic:  a technological representation of our new family unit.  Geek gifts have since become something of a tradition with us; or, rather, they occur with such frequency that I have decided to call them a tradition.  But of all the wonderful geek gifts I have given and received over the past seven years, my favorite is still teamlesan.org.  Perhaps I've infused the domain name with more meaning that it had at the time Rob chose it, but isn't that how love works?  What starts as something small and simple becomes bigger and more meaningful as time moves forward.  So there's my romantic anniversary message:  love is like a domain name...

Happy 7th, RCLIII.  I love being on your team!

Life Lessons

When was the last time you played the game of Life?  Until today, my answer to that question was something like 25 years.  This afternoon, Ellie and I set up her new board game and got to work.  As you may recall, there is one significant choice you have to make right on your first turn:  whether to go to college or choose a career immediately.  Ellie said she wanted to work right away.  Lovely, I thought.  We'll have a little life lesson right here, because I'm going to choose to go to college first and that gives me increased earning potential.  Here's how the game played out:

Ellie's career card was "salesperson," with an starting annual income of $20,000, maximum salary of $50,000, and taxes of $5,000.

I had to borrow $100,000 to start college.  I didn't land on the $20,000 scholarship, nor did I land on part-time job.  I did, however, get a semester in London.  Upon graduation, my career card was "doctor," initial income of $100,000 with no maximum.  Taxes?  $45,000.  Steep, but you don't pay them unless you land on the "pay taxes" box.  I felt pretty confident.

Ellie didn't land on "rent apartment," but she managed to hit "Inheritance!" and collect $20,000.  Then she collected a Share The Wealth card that required me to give her half of any unexpected payout from the bank I might encounter.  Then she won a race:  collect $10,000.  She got married, but managed to avoid the $20,000 wedding reception.  She got a pay raise and flew right past "taxes due" without stopping.  Then it was time to buy a starter home.  She chose the most expensive one in the deck:  a $160,000 Cape Cod beauty.  It was the one I was secretly eyeing, but she got there before I did.  She had exactly $160,000 in cash, and I asked her pointedly if she was sure she wanted to spend all of her money on a house.  She did.

Meanwhile, I accumulated a pay raise but landed on "pay taxes."  Net loss.  On the heels of forking over $45,000 to the bank for taxes, I chose the less stylish but also less expensive ranch rambler for my starter home.  On the very next spin, I lost my job.  Unnerving, but no matter - I went to school. Surely there must be other well-paying professions in that stack.  I got computer designer, with a base salary of $50,000 and a maximum salary of $80,000.  

Ellie won the Ultimate Idol TV show and collected $100,000.  I had twins.

Ellie sued me for $100,000.  I paid up, and then lost my job again.  My new career card was teacher, a noble college-degree-required profession paying $40,000, with a maximum income of $70,000.  Taxes, which of course I was forced to pay, were $15,000.

Now another choice came:  return to school or continue on.  Ellie continued on, but then her house flooded:  $40,000.  Okay, one setback, but she easily had the money after that big Ultimate Idol win.  She shrugged her shoulders and didn't care.  When I put the money in the bank, she said, "Is my house okay now?"

Ellie lost her job.  She got a new one as a hair stylist, with base salary of $30,000 and maximum salary of $60,000.   Net gain.  After her pay raise, which she quickly acquired, she and I were making the same salary, only I had $100,000 in school debt and baby twins.

Ellie sued me again for $100,000.  I had a baby boy.

Ellie took a family cruise vacation.  She only had to pay $25,000 because she didn't have any children.  "Ooh, a cruise vacation!  That will be fun!" she said as she forked over the cash.

I sued Ellie for $100,000.  Finally, a break!  No matter; she won a TV game show and collected $100,000.  Meanwhile, I landed on "Buy an SUV:  $40,000."  I guess I needed it, with all those kids.

Ellie won a TV dance show and collected $100,000.  My kids decided they all wanted to go to college: I sighed and gave the bank $150,000.

Lonely with just her husband in the car, Ellie opted for the "family path," and had a baby girl.  She got another pay raise and managed to avoid family physicals.  Then she found buried treasure to the tune of $500,000.

My teaching career paid off, apparently, and I wrote a best-selling book ($200,000) and won a Nobel Prize ($100,000).  Ellie had just sold her Cape Cod for a profit and bought a luxury mountain retreat, handing over the $600,000 as if it were pocket change.  With my newfound success, I thought about upgrading from my ranch-style to something befitting a Nobel Prize laureate.  But it was not to be:  my ranch-style (which I purchased for $140,000) got hit by a tornado, and the damage amounted to $125,000.

Ellie was way ahead of me at this point, almost to the Millionaire Retirement Estates.  Her spins always landed on 8 or 9 or 10 or some ridiculous number that advanced her at super speed through the board.  She got a tax refund and then became a grandparent, sliding into Millionaire Estates in style.

Ellie danced around the room shouting, "I won!  I won!"  I spun again and again, always moving 1-3 spaces each turn.  Along the way, I sponsored a public arts exhibit ($125,000) and spent $65,000 on a maid & butler service (for my ranch-style starter home).  Blessedly, I avoided the life-saving operation and managed to skip having a family website designed.  But I also skipped being a grandparent (which gives you a LIFE card, which in turn gives you more money, not that grandparenthood is only about money).

Final tally?

Ellie, the saleswoman turned hair stylist:  a cool $1.5 million, no debt

Me, the college educated doctor turned computer designer turned teacher:  $895,000, after paying my school loan back with interest.

I told her we have to play again tomorrow.

'Tis My Season

Last week Lizzie sent me a picture of some holly for sale at 96th and Lex and lamented that she couldn't buy me some.

This week, lo and behold, I found holly for sale right here in the suburbs of middle America - at Costco!  Isn't it just the most beautiful plant you've ever seen?  Ah, yes, my season is here once again.  Deck those halls!

Here is Matt placing our New York taxi cab ornament carefully on the tree.  I still can't get enough of that hilarious boy.

 Ellie had her first preschool Christmas program.  She wore her special Nutcracker sweater and sang her heart out on the front row.

Yesterday, Ellie and I succeeded in making a gingerbread house - all the walls and even the roof stayed up!  We only ate a little bit of the candy, but we did dip gingerbread cookies in the extra icing.  I love having a big girl!

This week Tessa started rolling over.  I love watching her grow, but I'm glad she's still small enough to cuddle and swaddle and wear in a sling.

We also were lucky enough to have another Jonathan Gibson photo shoot.  You can see the whole slide show here, and below is a sneak peak.

Merry Christmas!

Chuck vs. the Obsession

Have I mentioned our obsession with obsessions?  Sometimes we get obsessed with things.  A few years ago, we saw a commercial for a new show called Chuck on NBC - it looked like a quirky spy comedy, and we decided to tune in for the pilot.  We liked it, and went back for a second week.  Then we were hooked.  I'm proud to say we've watched every episode since, and we own the past three seasons on DVD.

Last night was the season four premiere of Chuck.  We've been looking forward to this since the season 3 finale some months ago.  When you're obsessed with something and it's taken away from you, there's a certain withdrawal.  After the season finale, I started planning our season 4 premiere party.  It took some months, but last night I pulled it off as a surprise for Rob.

Ty Nant water, as seen in Chuck vs. the Honeymooners:  check

Cheese balls, as seen in Chuck vs. the Pink Slip:  check

Subway-style sandwiches, as featured many episodes:  check

Specifically, turkey and munster cheese sandwiches, as featured in Chuck vs. the Truth:  check

But here's the best part.  Since last May, I've been scouring various stores and websites for good deals on Converse sneakers.  I can think of only one scene in the last three season where Chuck has not been wearing high top black Converse.  (Shout-out to all Chuck fans out there:  can you name the scene?)  Last night I presented Rob with Converse shoes for every member of our family.  We all put them on immediately.

And then with kids in bed, Rob and I snuggled on the sofa for the hour we've been anticipating for the last three months.  We were not disappointed.  Aces, Charles.

Baby's First Photo Shoot

Last week, our dear friend Jon Gibson kindly came over to take pictures of the kids.  Jon is an art professor at Xavier University, and a very accomplished artist in many mediums.  That much will be quite obvious to you when you see the results of the photo shoot!

Click HERE to see the slideshow set to music and HERE to see the photos all on the same page.  For a few more cute pictures of Matt and Ellie, check out Jon's post with a slideshow of a trip to the zoo we made last week with Gibsons and some visiting friends.

For more on Jon's work, explore his photography website and his portfolio website